Dating Advice for Conservatives
Dating Advice for Conservatives
At the recent Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, DC, a new feature was added for the younger attendees – about dating for conservatives.
Commenting on the event for Red Alert Politics, I said,
The audience was overwhelmingly young, with curious students and curious journalists, all of whom were hoping for more declarative statements on how conservatives absolutely cannot date liberals. Turns out, Elise thinks you can, but he also thinks it doesn’t matter as much.
Whether or not conservatives and liberals could date was a major point of contention. In an interview with NPR, which you can listen to here, the conversation continued.
And don’t be afraid to look outside your own political circles for a partner. “People mostly stick to their own group,” he says, “and that’s a shame.”
CPAC attendee Jacqueline Otto agrees, but only up to a point. “What wouldn’t work is if you’re a conservative and the other person just doesn’t care,” she says. “The other person doesn’t value what it means for you to be conservative.”
What’s important, says Hawkins, is that there’s room for amicable debate. “It has to be the sort of thing where they’re OK with you thinking Al Gore’s a moron, and you’re OK with them not liking Sarah Palin,” he says.
Dating Advice
You can absolutely, totally date someone with different political opinions. As long as the debate doesn’t get personal.
The upside with that situation is that you both will have the same point of interest, being economics and politics. Having different opinions will ensure hours of interesting and lively conversation. As John Hawkins told NPR, you both have to be OK with the other holding different, honest opinions. And as long as the relationship remains honest and respectiful, it could totally work.
The downside is that there are no guarantees that it will work. There are never guarantees in any dating situation that anything would work. It really does all depend on the individuals involved and your relationship.
I know, that was really helpful. But hopefully you will be encouraged to break out of your circle, and give that liberal guy a chance. Or libertarian girl.
Send your questions or ideas to On the Market Dating on Twitter @_OnTheMarket_
Shared values and beliefs seem to me an important part of a successful relationship, at least long term. Ultimately, I want my kids raised by someone who shares my worldview. Not all beliefs are of equal importance, and I agree that disagreement held civilly has to be workable, and can make things more interesting. But in general I think there’s going to be a huge difference in fundamental disposition between someone who has, after reflection, chosen to be liberal vs. libertarian or conservative. There’s a fence between those of us who believe we stand on the shoulders of giants, and those who don’t, right? It’s a divide that goes deeper than supporting individuals (eg Palin or Gore), to our convictions about the very nature of man, what progress looks like, and our ideals in government and society. Watching this work out in the marriages of some close friends leads me to believe that while it may be a “workable” situation (and does have an upside), it isn’t highly desirable.
Besides, to be frank, no statist woman is raising my kids.
No statist man is raising my kids, either. To people like you and me, our conservative/libertarian convictions define who we are, and we are choosing to not date liberals. But to many people, their political leanings are their “opinions.” Two people who can respect each other’s opinions could absolutely work.
Right, they can “work.” Your point that it matters in proportion to how strongly we hold our convictions is legitimate, I think. Like I said, the difference in disposition is going to most evident in someone who has taken a side after reflection. To the extent that we’ve made a thoughtful decision about our allegiance I maintain that it will matter. Someone who attended the CPAC panel about conservatives and dating probably shouldn’t date a liberal, but someone who registered as a Republican (or whatever) because their parents did shouldn’t be too concerned.
One way or another, agreement about beliefs and values does seem to be an indicator about the longevity of a marriage regardless of a particular political position. But someone’s choice in political allegiance is also an indicator of their worldview to some extent (admittedly, again, inasmuch as they’ve considered them).
To the skeptics, I think children will vindicate me. Watch your friends with differing political persuasions raise their children. They might do it well, or not, regardless of whether they agree politically. But to the extent that they agree about the nature of the world, and their values align (these are two things manifested in our political membership), there will be less conflict and their kids will form a better lens through which they can see the world; It’s hard to impart a solid worldview into your kids if your team doesn’t agree on it. Even though there are certainly exceptions, I think that they are just that: exceptions to a rule.